It’s not you, it’s me.

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I heard myself defensively saying “we go to lots of playgroups, classes and play dates” before I could stop myself. It was only afterwards that I reflected and realised that the “preschool is good for them socially” wasn’t about my choices, it was about her’s. That a smile was enough. That she was nice. That just like me, she has worries in the back of her head about whether she has done / is doing the right thing.

I’m yet to meet a mum who doesn’t want to feel good about her choices or who doesn’t try to make them for all the right reasons.

I haven’t sent T to preschool because I wanted him to have what I had and because I am lucky enough to be in a position where it is possible. Because I feel I have been able to offer him everything he needs with what is on offer for preschoolers in my area. Because it felt like the right thing for him. Because it fits my skills set (most of the time…) and I enjoy it. And that’s fine.

And the lady I chatted too would have made her choice for different reasons; social reasons obviously and probably a whole host of other good reasons too. And that’s fine too.

And the relative/friend/neighbour who tells you how she got her children to sleep/behave/eat probably aren’t judging you either. Even if it feels like it. And even if they are, the overriding thing they’ll be doing is reassuring themselves. They need to feel that what they did/are doing was the right thing for their children. Because nothing is closer to their hearts than their children. Because they have never done anything before or since that matters as much.

So next time I will try and just smile…

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “It’s not you, it’s me.

  1. Being a parent isn’t easy. It seems that you are always being judged even when you aren’t. When my children were younger, I was very lucky, indeed to be a stay-at-home mom. Like you, I didn’t send my children to pre-school. I was home with them. There was no need (my opinion only) to. We lived in NYC at the time and they socialized with the other children in the playground and among their friends.
    The way I raised my children was very different than the way my mother and father raised me and my sibs. For instance, my mother made sure we were all in bed by 7:30 at night. I shudder at the thought and I was quite liberal. However, my kids were usually asleep early and as they got older, even in high school, if they were tired by 8PM, they would just kiss me goodnight and go on their way.
    I did raise my children with values though–respect and be kind and it will get you far. It did.
    But–the one thing I notice with many (not all) parents of younger children today is the sense of “entitlement”. It’s great to let your children know that they are the center of YOUR world but the aren’t the center of THE world. That’s where it gets weird……
    Hey. I breastfed for nine years straight. My kids are three years apart and I nursed them each for three years. BOY, was I judge on THAT one–everyone had an opinion and it wasn’t kind!
    Anyway, do what you feel is right. It is your comfort level and your way that counts! I miss those years!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh thanks so much, I’m like you, I don’t think it’s awful or anything but don’t see the need, although now he has to slot into the school system aged 4 with kids that have all been, I admit my resolve is wobbling a bit. I still breastfeed my youngest at 2.5 years and know what you mean, I don’t tell people if I can avoid it although my eldest tells people about it with great incredulity! Thanks again, nice to hear people doing it or who did it similar to you x

      Like

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